No More Excuses. This Week, I Begin Running. Time to get my sorry a** in shape, yo!

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Are You There, Motivation To Exercise? It’s Me, Jill.

That’s it. No more excuses. I have a date ….with a healthier lifestyle. Diet. Exercise. All that crap. Truthfully? I’m not looking forward to it. At all. Therefore, I’m giving myself just 1-2 more days to get used to the idea that my lifestyle and habits revolving around diet and fitness must change, and then I’m going to have to stop musing, and start doing.

Time to get my big ol’ a** in gear, folks.

What he said.

Starting ….well, whenever my Amazon Prime package gets here (which I assumed would be yesterday, and was somewhat gladly mistaken, I ain’t gon’ lie), I will be heading to my town’s high school track on a daily basis to (gulp) run. Well, more like walk, at least to start.

Not looking forward to this. Fitness? #nope. Not. My. Thing.

My family at our town’s color run. The only race I ever entered in my life, and I walk the whole damn thing.


I have already started monitoring my diet, eating more healthy foods, cutting out carbs and junk, and drinking more water.

So of course, I’m totally jonesing for a spoon and the gallon of Breyers’ strawberry ice cream sitting in my freezer right now.

Sigh. #hungry

How Much Do I Hate Thee, Fitness?
Let Me Count the Ways.

Say you handed me a list of all possible hobbies or volunteer activities modern adult humans on Earth could possibly choose to engage in. You then asked me to rank each activity, from #1 being the activity I like best, to #1,000 being the activity I like least.

S11 truly enjoys physical activity such as exercise. She did not inherit this from me.

Where would fitness, especially in the form of cardio-type exercise, fall in my spectrum o fun?

Most likely? In the bottom 5%.

Yes, out of 1,000 possible free time activities to choose from, running 8 stupid laps each morning at my local high school track would be like my 950th choice. I. Hate. Running. And I’m pretty terrible at it too. Yay!

It Could Be Worse?

I suppose it could be worse, however. There are some hobbies/free-time activities I’d actually rank lower than running in circles on the local teenage purgatory track. They include:

    1. Arguing with Trump supporters and conservative trolls on social media.
    2. Making phone calls. For most reasons in existence.
    3. Selling anything door-to-door.
    4. Listening to current Top 40 pop music. ‘Whip Nae NOT.’
    5. Camping.

So yes, I suppose I could be asked to do worse.

So then why do I plan to torture myself each day, if I freaking hate running? Why not just say ‘F it,’ like I always have for the past 39.5 years? Well ….

I am five foot one inches tall, and weight GD 155 lbs. That’s pretty much why.

This here? Not my friend lately.

I was weighed at the doctor on Monday, and first off, I must ask, why must one be weighed at a sleep doctor appointment? Ain’t no need for that. Doc asks if I’m sleepy, I say no, not with the lovely meds you prescribe, he checks my blood pressure, writes me a script, I say thank you, I leave the end. There is no need for any weighing of the mom bod. None.

My ‘comfortable’ weight as a grownup has always been about 125-130 lbs. The ‘medical’ charts that say I should be 105 lbs at five foot one, I find to be quite laughable. 105 lbs? I haven’t seen that weight since my adolescence, and it is waay too low, aka not a healthy weight for my body type.

But 125-130 lbs? I can hang with that. At that weight, speaking in clothing sizes, I usually wore a size small/medium, or a ladies’ size 7/8.

Now? I squeeze my behind into a size 12. But I am really a size 14.

My favorite selfies of me lately are strictly headshots.

My current style can be described as: clothes that stretch and are flowy. Verrrry flowy. Helllooooo yoga pants, leggings, and oversized shirts.

Disclaimer: I have to say- I believe that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being plus sized, or a size 14, that’s not what this is about. I am NOT body shaming, and if a person is comfortable at that size, great! I am, however, quite uncomfortable this way and currently dissatisfied with how I look in photos. And normally I’m a pretty confident person, so that saddens me. Just have to throw that out there.

Therefore, exercise, diet, and overall head-to-toe fitness, though I hate you, it’s GO time.

A Lifetime of Questionable Eating Habits Ends This Week (Sadly)

S3’s birthday “cake.” S11 had a similar one. A pyramid of evil, indeed.

This month, S10 becomes S11, and S2 becomes S3. In other words, both my kids’ birthdays fall in July (as well as Mike’s birthday. Its a busy month!). We held both girls’ celebrations last Saturday at the house, S3’s in the morning, S11’s in the afternoon. I am happy to report that both parties were successful and fun, too! However, I ate …like a pig, I ain’t gon’ lie.

I couldn’t help it! We had mac and cheese trays. We had pizza. There were SO MANY DOUGHNUTS. (in lieu of cake, each daughter had an epic doughnut pyramid. And I’m not all that crazy about cake, however I am quite cuckoo for doughnuts.)

Bottom line-there was lots of, uh, pretty horrendous eating happening this past week, and I couldn’t ‘just say no.’

The entire month of June? A whirlwind of progress reports, closing up my classroom offices, ending the 2016-2017 school year, and also, for yours truly, LOTS of fast food to boot. I ate in my car more often than my kitchen table in June, I’m pretty certain. And I’m paying for all that right now.

This pic was taken in 2004 on our honeymoon, after we pretty much ate our way from coast to coast. I thought I was overweight then. I’d LOVE to be that thin now.

Now over the past 39.5 years, I always pretty much ate whatever I wanted. Some days I’d eat better than others, and if I realized I was pigging out too much over a span of time, I’d just eat less for a few days, and all would be well in the weight maintenance department. For example, when Mike and I drove cross-country after our 2004 wedding (and then took a cruise to Alaska), we basically ate our way across America, returning in a much larger form than we left in. We did not exercise much over those 4 weeks, and we also still drank alcohol then. Yet, we were both back to our regular, comfortable weights in just a month or two, by simply eating healthier and letting our metabolism work its magic.

We were also 26 and 27 years old back then.

Apparently something happens when you hit 40, a milestone I will be reluctantly experiencing in a mere 3 months and 2 days. At 40, a person’s metabolism goes into hiding.

Never to be seen again.

Fat now sticks to me like a moth to a flame. That mac and cheese I ate last weekend clings to me like a crying toddler, and some work needs to go into getting it off of me.

Hey, midlife! You suck!

It Ain’t Baby Weight No Mo’

I’d be 500 lbs for life if that was what it took to have this baby in my life tho. Love her to the moon and beyond.

After giving birth to S3 about 3 years ago, I had anticipated the pregnancy weight sticking around, post-birth, as it had with S11. That wasn’t a shock. After having S11, I had gained 35 lbs, and only 15 lbs came off after delivery. Since I didn’t breastfeed S11 (long story-I did try), at 1.5 months postpartum, I went on Weight Watchers and when S11 was 3 months old I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

According to Mike, I was also hungry and grumpy AF, but whatevs. My unpleasant affect could have instead been my undiagnosed postpartum depression, rather than my hunger-inducing Weight Watchers diet. What I do know for certain, however, is that the fact that I lost 25 lbs so fast back in 2006 most likely had something to do with being 28 years old when I had S11, as well as that S11 was a normal-sized 7 lb 14 oz baby, conceived naturally.

With S3, I gained 40 lbs, but she was a giant 9 lb 1 oz baby, and I could barely move the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy because I was ENORMOUS. I remember being 38 weeks pregnant with S11 and going for walks, for effs sake, and with S3, I was on modified bedrest, binge watching Mad Men on my iPhone. All 7 seasons.

Also, I had been pumped full of fertility meds prior to becoming pregnant with S3, as she was an IVF FET baby. Mike seems to think the meds may have changed my body composition, and who knows? That could be true.

My favorite time of day to eat, and coincedentally, the WORST time of day to eat.

I was also 36 when I had S3. Advanced Maternal Age, they call it, or Geriatric Pregnancy. How nice. One definitely takes longer to “bounce back” to pre-pregnancy body shape after an AMA pregnancy, I’ve come to discover.

I did breastfeed S3, and at my postpartum lowest weight of 144 lbs, I was, in fact, breastfeeding, so maybe nursing did help me lose some weight, but it wasn’t a “magic weight loss pill” like celebrities claim (yeah, whatever. You hired a trainer too, just admit it, yo). But upon returning to work, I started gaining weight one again as my milk supply tanked, and S3 ended up weaning at just 7 months.

Since S3’s birth, I’ve been vowing to lose the “baby weight” “someday.” Three years later, though, I can’t call it “baby weight” anymore with a straight face. Now, it’s “an entire bag of cheesy poofs as I write at one o’clock in the morning” weight, and I have finally come to terms with that.

Diet and Exercise: People Find Those Topics Interesting! Who Knew?

This week, I decided to stop whining about my oversized behind and get proactive. I went on Amazon, and bought a sports armband for my iPhone and Bluetooth headphones, so that I could listen to music as I run the track. I figured having some good tunes as I run (amble/walk) may make the process less torturous.

You ain’t joking, Jackson Browne.

Diet monitoring and daily exercise: People actually do it! Like, all the time! Who knew?

I then reached out on my Facebook page for diet tips, and revealed my exercise plan going forth. And holy cats, I was amazed at the response I received in return! I had NO IDEA that so many people I knew actually monitored what they ate closely, and exercised regularly. I really, truly, am completely clueless at times.

My friends on Facebook really gave me some great tips to help me get started on this healthy lifestyle journey, which I am very much dreading the start of. I wish I had some of my buddies’ enthusiasm toward running, tracking “macros” (a new word for me) counting calories, planning out meals the day before, etc. Hopefully, when I start doing all that, I will hate it less than I despise the idea of it. Because that would be great. And a welcome surprise, to boot.

So, to cycle back to the beginning of this entry, as soon as my armband and headphones arrive, I’m heading to the track with S11, my awesome Spotify ‘running playlist’ (see below), the motivation to succeed, and new running sneakers! They are the same exact ones S11 has, actually. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to match her running ability too!

Hahahaha. Not likely. But an old lady can dream, right?

Wish me luck. Thanks for reading! Until next time!





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